The Hardest Blog Yet....

This blog was suppose to be posted 2 days ago but for some reason it sat in the "draft" section and never was submitted.


Before I begin to write this, know that this is going to take me a long time to write because it breaks my heart, even when I just think about it.

Today started like any other Tuesday (work around the Sozo House). We got the burn pile out of the yard to make a chicken coop, cut some hedges and pulled some weeds and did a little sweeping and moping in our guest house. After we were finished we decided to go to the mall and eat lunch and then go to the Kampala Market to buy a few souvenirs for our friends and family. I was pretty excited because I had been wanting to go since we got here and last time we tried to go it rained and they don't open when it rains. We ate at a pizza place and I ended up getting my first burger in Africa and it was delicious, and I ate every bite and even included a milkshake and fries. After we were all finished we went and got a little money out of the ATM and began our walk over to the market.

Now before I tell my story you must first know a background history of the kids of Kampala. As you drive downtown in Kampala, when you stop, kids will come up to your vehicle and the youngest I had seen was maybe 12 years old. They are out there begging for there guardians and they bring the money back to there guardians and the guardians will buy alcohol, drugs and food for themselves, so the key rule is, is to not give money so that the guardians won't have the money to buy those things and you can't touch the kids either (even just a hug) because the guardians will come (because they are watching) and beat you and take your money. It gets hard sometimes to say no, but the kids still seem pretty healthy and somewhat happy even though they spend all day begging.......but as we were walking to the village and I had turned away a few kids, thats when my heart broke into a million pieces and I began to tear up in the middle of the street.

Sitting in front a small store was a 2 year old boy with his arms stretch out, begging as small tears rolled down his face......let me say that again.....no more than 2 years old, BEGGING because his lazy and hurtful guardian doesn't have the decency to take care of himself......and I couldn't do a thing but watch. I couldn't hold him, hug him, give him money, give him food, nothing but just look and that tore my heart in half and my day was destroyed and even now, the image of that little boy is still in my head. Where is he right now? Is he alive? Is he hurt? Is he being fed or given water? I don't know and will never know and that kills me. Kids are my heart and everyone of them deserves a better life than I have and when I see something like that, knowing that the little boy has no chance bring tears to my eyes. All I wanted to do was just to hold him and to tell him that I love him and that the God of the universe, the maker of all, and my Eternal Father loves him more than I or any other person could!

But why does God allow that to happen? Why has he chosen me over that little boy to live an amazing life and to have the chances that I have. I would give anything for that little boy to have a happier life than me! ANYTHING! because I am so undeserving of the life I have, friends I have and family that I have. I don't deserve anything. So why me?? Why am I chosen over the next kid. I am a dirty sinner and a mind of sinful thoughts and yet I get the better life. All I can hope is that that little boy grows up to know the name of Jesus.

And that is the only reason I can think of, of why I have been blessed the way I am, so that I can use my passion for kids to go and spread the name of Jesus. So that the number of street kids beggers will decrease and decrease, as His name grows and grows! I have to always remember Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." No matter some of the terrible things I may see as I am a missionary, I have to always remember that He is in control. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and mythoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9. His ways are higher than my thoughts, so some of the things I don't understand or don't know why, maybe I'm no suppose too. Thats what faith is for, right?? "For we walk be faith, and not by sight" 2 Cor. 5:7. He loves all of us the same, no one more than the other and we must all remember that. So if we are blessed, we must use our blessing to bless others so that those other people can bless others as well. My goal is for His name to be glorified, not questioned. So I must have faith. As much as that little kid has broken my heart, and still does I know the Lord has a plan for that little boy, whether I know the plan or not, I do know that it will bring honor and glory to His name. 








**Headed to Kenya tomorrow morning for a week (July 1-July 9). No internet or phone, so a big blog will be posted next Sunday and one also about my Bungee Jump over the Nile River**